Sorry, about this post being kinda long & a bit ‘cliche’. All you really have to know, is... Today is significant to me...That it’s been 30 years in the making...I’m very thankful for Lisa & it has a happy ending. There, I saved you the trouble of reading this...I do that for my friends...You’re welcome.
Here is the long version...
Today is September 13th. I remember that date, like a lot of others. And like you, I’m pretty good at remembering dates in general. Not historical or important things...personal stuff, you know like, on January 11th, 2002, we bought a Honda Accord. Or on May 6th,1931, Willie Mays was born ( I was kinda happy when our son was born on that date in ’83)...or December 16th 1989, a Saturday, I tore my achilles tendon, stuff like that...you know...crap. My mind is full of it...but if you were to see beyond my hard candy shell of a brain, into the rich creamy center of my own temporal lobe...you would find the date “September 13th“ emblazoned right there.
I am pretty ambivalent about this day in particular. Mixed feelings to say the least...September 13th,1983...is the day my wife, Lisa, was diagnosed with cancer.
Maybe for you, 9/13/83, was a long time ago...30 years...to the day, but, not for me. It’s like yesterday. Let’s see... Lisa & I were young, starting our life together (I had known Lisa for 9 years) married for five, working... living simply. We saved, bought a house in ’78, and now...we just had a kid. We had no big dreams, we weren’t reaching for the stars...We just wanted to be happy together...and we were pretty happy...and it all...came crashing down...on this one day, Tuesday, September 13th, in 1983.
For a few weeks, back then, Lisa had felt a strange hardness (a growth of some sort?) in her abdomen. So the Dr.’s at Kaiser suggested a surgery to find out what was going on.
Lisa did some research on the possible causes...and we were very scared leading up to “that 13th”. We had our little one, Ryan in May...and having a baby changes your life enough, without throwing surgery in there, let alone, knowing something else could be wrong. We were hoping for the best...that’s what you do, when you’re young...Hopefully we’re immune...to any real health issues...We weren’t in denial, but...”Hey, that bad stuff can’t really happen to us...we’re not old”...Well, we were wrong...No matter how much you hope or pray, like everyone knows...Sh*t Happens...They opened Lisa up (not one of those small incisions either, all the way up)... and... Boom...Cancer...the Big C...a 4 pound tumor.
All I can remember is Lisa crying (& Lisa never cries) & saying “I knew it, I knew it”... and me falling to my knees in disbelief. It all makes you kind of numb & sick. It’s overwhelming. A nightmare that won’t go away... because it’s real life & all you can think is...well, you know...
It turns out this cancer was a endodermal sinus tumor, a very aggressive form of ovarian cancer. Stanford Medical Center, as a second opinion, had seen 12 cases of this rare disease, Lisa would be the 13th. I didn’t think it was very lucky to be #13.
When you’re 28 and you have a baby, getting cancer, (and not just a little spot or marker)...a 4 pound tumor... can slap any dream you ever had right out of you. Sitting in that hospital, just Lisa & me, talking about death, and the “what if this happens”...can change you, it changes everything...everyday.
After all this bad news, just when you think the worst, the first little bit of luck, hit...They had a protocol for this cancer which involved a regimen of velban, cisplatin & bleomycin. Powerful drugs that will, knock, the you know what, out of you. Maybe, not so lucky then?...But then again...Even more luck struck, Really?...Stanford would work w/ Kaiser (our medical carrier) as they would administer it’s regimen of chemotherapy to Lisa. There was hope...for Lisa... for our son to have a Mom... and for us. Maybe we wouldn’t lose our house to all the medical bills?...Maybe Lisa would be OK.
After Lisa healed from surgery (for a couple of weeks), the chemo sessions began...It wasn’t easy, she is very strong, but got extremely sick from the chemotherapy. Lisa lost all of her hair in 2 days. Chemo on Wednesday, hair gone in the shower, on Friday. That can be tough. Her white blood cell count was dangerously low. She was in & out of intensive care numerous times. But she fought, she stayed positive...because, we had a kid... Lisa had a lifetime of our Ryan to look forward to.
Having to endure all this, will knock you down. But, Lisa & I got lucky again. Lisa’s Mom & Dad, picked up our spirits, glued us together, opened up their home, took us in, took care of our 4 month old little guy, and did whatever they could, to make a bad situation, seem semi normal. I still remember, how warm & comfortable their home felt. They were unbelievable when Lisa was fighting cancer, she would come home sick as a dog & hibernate upstairs in her parents house...So, when she was undergoing 5 rounds of chemotherapy & 5+ months of not knowing if she would see her son’s 1st birthday...Woody & Jean Lee...were our rock...Lisa was put through some difficult months with chemotherapy. It was nothing she wants to remember, but I do, a lesser person would not have made it.
And that’s why I’m writing this...it’s about being grateful on this, September 13th & being thankful for everyday, as we always have been.
As Lisa progressed through her chemo sessions ( it was not a out- patient program, then) the Dr’s protocol also suggested a 2nd look surgery...So another date stands out, February 14th,1984, Valentines Day...Oh, come on...couldn’t they have picked a better day to have surgery. We were sweatin’ this, believe me... but you know what?... Lisa (& I) got the best present, anyone has ever gotten, on Valentines Day...No Cancer...Nada, Nothing there...She was “Clean & Clear”, a healthy girl...More luck?...I don’t know...but on that day...there were not 2 people on this earth happier, luckier, or more grateful, than us.
And today, this September 13th, 30 years later, we are still grateful for the Dr.’s expertise & protocol to deal with that rare cancer.
Since that day in ‘83, even though they’re gone, we think about Lisa’s parents all the time, and are so thankful for their help, support & love. Chemotherapy was a cure for Lisa’s cancer...but Lisa’s parents helped heal our whole family...We were damn lucky to have them in our corner.
It’s obvious were thankful for our one & only son. Ryan was our whole world for quite some time and since Lisa had a hysterectomy during surgery for cancer...Ry would be “it” for us... and he ultimately was the drive & inspiration for Lisa to get well. I’m pretty sure, by now, Ryan knows that too...He knows how lucky he is...just to have a Mom...and one that survived a devastating illness.
And I am grateful, (it’s worth repeating), Lisa was so strong dealing with that difficult chemotherapy...thankful she is positive, & had that inner strength. She didn’t let being, seriously ill, or losing her hair, get her down. What seemed like a horrible situation with an inevitable end... turned into something good...She didn’t let, cancer, define her...I’m happy she is a fighter...a little feisty?...Yeah, and that’s OK with me.
When something like this happens to you or your family...as I said, it sticks with you...everyday. All the time...it never really goes away. It changes the way you think, the way you feel & it changes what you believe.
And when I think of this September 13th, on a anniversary of sorts, I am Grateful to be Lucky...& Lucky to be Grateful...and we are so happy that Lisa beat cancer...No...Lisa, beat cancer for 30 years (think about that)...& it knows, not to mess with her...anymore...Yeah, that’s right.
Jokes aside, I know for certain...we were lucky Lisa has “what it takes”... to get through 2 major surgeries & withstand drugs that burn your insides and damage your lungs...Inner strength... because it was HER & her WILL to survive...It wasn’t because we have some special relationship with a God, who can see & knows everything, and said to us...”It’s, not your time”...There is no prayer line or “thought control”...anyone can have on cancer. Lisa’s hormones were out of whack, things went wrong... and when they did...Lisa had the belief...the best kind of belief...”in herself”... that she would get through it. It was both a random act...of bad...& good luck...It happens everyday to thousands of people, (you know, stuff happens)...and this time...Cancer picked the wrong person...a strong person...my Lisa...& with this, she made me toughen up...and our son...& our family stronger.
And we have a lifetime of memories because of her. She wouldn’t want me saying that...or writing this. But that’s OK, I’m just telling the truth & I’ve been in trouble with her before.
So we will celebrate this September 13th...together...& we will remember the 30 years we’ve had, since that fateful day...If you drive by our house tonight... you might hear some loud music...& it will just be Lisa & I dancing to...“Stayin Alive” (that’s her ringtone)...Because, she beat the odds and we don’t take it for granted...We know it could have been very different...like some of those other stories, you hear about...We are...our own fairytale, “We” are a “Good story”...and We know it...We know it, everyday...Yes, we are so grateful for our 30 years...this...September 13th, 2013.
Oh, by the way, just like cancer, I know, not to mess with Lisa, because although she’s kinda short in stature...she is tough & really mighty...I know this, because she tells me that...all the time...and I believe it...because Lisa lived it...and I love her for it...Tim ;o)
